I'm an engineer. I'm also a woman. Today at work in the machine shop, a man I had known for all of 30 minutes said some rude things that caught me off guard - Asking me why I wasn't married - how that must mean I don't want to be a mom - and didn't I realize my biological clock was ticking? Ouch, and totally inappropriate.
I was too surprised in the moment to respond with much else besides "I do want to be a mom. Just haven't met the right person to marry yet." I wanted to run away. Or dig a hole and hide in it. But we were in the middle of a job that wasn't yet finished, and I was the one who had come to him for help today, so that wasn't really an option.
When it was finally, blessedly, time to go home for the day I could finally acknowledge how that had made me feel. I felt so uncomfortable!!!! So uneasy, and confused as to why I *believed* that I should have had a better explanation to him as to why I'm working instead of having babies. I couldn't stop running over and over the interaction in my head thinking of better justifications for my current existence. As if my worth was in the hands of this disapproving machinist.
At home, instead of crawl under the covers or numb my brain with TV, I decided this evening that I should actually figure out these yucky feelings and why I was so unsettled by this interaction.
First - I think it hurt so much because I really DO want to be a mom. This man assumed that a female engineer must be putting career first and putting off marriage and children. It implied that the only explanation for me not having these things I pray for is - oh, right, I just don't want them!
Second - It hurt because I am afraid of missing my chance at marriage, and at motherhood. This man spoke the exact words of my fears out loud in the bluntest way possible. And the undercurrent was "what's wrong with you?"
That brings me to the thoughts that came once I calmed down and prayed. Remember things that are TRUE about me - I'm created by God in His image. Jesus gave his life and blood to redeem me, to ransom my life from the pit, so that I can be with God forever. God is the only one powerful enough to put labels on me that stick. His label on me is "beloved", "forgiven", "child of God". The machinists labels for me (and even my OWN labels for me) don't get to stick.
Standing on the firm foundation of God's truth is like standing on a flat, wide concrete slab with good metal guard rails. Incredibly firm footing. And the machinist today, and the way my scared insecure brain ran away with his rude comments, is like someone throwing... sponges. It's like someone throwing little sponges at you while you stand firm on a concrete slab. It's annoying to be sure, but it's weak - pathetic even - compared to the foundation you stand on.
Don't forget where you stand, who has the power to label you and who doesn't, and that hurtful words - even the ones that speak to our deepest fears - are like little sponges trying to knock you off your concrete platform.
Thank you God for your truth and the firm foundation it provides us. Amen.
